Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Love (Or Labor) Lost

This article originally appeared in the Summer 2010 issue of the Oregon Humanities magazine. 

A few months ago, my fiancĂ© sits me down and says, “I don’t think we’re going to work out anymore.” 

He presents many pieces of evidence, but it boils down to one main thing. Work has come between us. “I feel like if you loved me enough, you would move down here,” he continues. 

‘Down here’ meaning Sacramento from Portland. Meaning I yank my budding career as an English teacher out of my current high school and transplant it to the fallow employment of California. 

I thought it was reasonable for me to spend another couple years building relationships and honing my skills at one school. He saw it as insensitivity and my lack of dedication to “us.” I find myself mouthing a well-worn defense: “It’s easy for you to ask me to give up my life here. You’re in medical school and conveniently can’t leave.” 

As someone raised to live by Calvinist standards that equate vocational success with personal salvation, my work is important to me. It’s my identity as a representative of knowledge and literature, as a trusted caretaker of children, as an agent of change. 

And sometimes, work never stops. There’s always emails to send, phone calls to make, curriculum to write, essays to grade, meetings to attend, strategies to develop; Dostoyevsky and Faulkner and Coleridge and the rest of the Western canon to read and review. 

There’s a great satisfaction in all this self-imposed struggle. But is the satisfaction of struggle greater than the satisfaction of connection? It is more common to hear that, as in my case, a relationship breaks, yet the work of each partner remains intact. 

I don’t know any stories of lovers leaving their occupations in the name of love. Is it easier, or at least more reliable, to fulfill our sense of self through tasks and accomplishments than through connection to another person? Today, in this age of privilege, when we can create our own identities and choose our professions--how do we decide how much of life is our work? What do we sacrifice in our work for the rest of our lives? Or should the real question be, what do we sacrifice in the rest of our lives for our work? 

The archaic laws of the division of labor don’t apply anymore. But often, labor all too easily still divides us.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Heavy Acts with Heavy Hearts Relate: Finding Hope in Literature

This essay first appeared in the Oregon English Journal, Vol. XXXII, No. 1, pp. 6-9, Spring 2010. 

“Literature Saves Lives,” reads a proclamation from one of my adolescent journals. Teenage hyperbole aside, this idea holds true for me today as much as it did when I was 16. Like many high school students, I was lost and confused: My body was betraying me by changing in horrific ways, not the least of which resulted in prescription-grade acne. I was starting to become bewildered by a world that I saw as bigger and scarier every day. I had no idea how to cope with all of the frightening things I was learning about the world—the first Iraq war, genocide in Rwanda, global warming—so I looked for examples of how to live life from books. I quickly realized that the books with the answers I was looking for are not exactly what you would call a lighthearted lot: The Catcher in the Rye, Siddhartha, The Odyssey, The Bell Jar, Sula, Hamlet

Fifteen years later, in the midst of Othello, a student in my Senior English class sighs dramatically, “Are we ever going to read anything happy in this class?” 

I ponder this for a moment before answering, “No, I guess not.” 

I go on to explain the simple reason why my curriculum is not filled with hearts and flowers. At its foundation, literature is the scope of human experience, encapsulating the good, the bad, and the ugly. And often, the most compelling stories plumb the depths of the bad and the ugly to make sense of what we don’t understand. In our study of Othello, Lord of the Flies, and Night, we explore the central question: What is human nature? Through these works, we inevitably find ourselves embroiled in the savagery and cruelty so often at the core of human behavior. 

My Senior English class tends to be a motley crew: ELLs from Mexico, Vietnam, Cambodia, Guatemala, and Somalia; first-, second-, and third-generation immigrants; students from white suburbia and local farm families; students with IEPs and 504s for ADHD, depression, and learning disabilities; college hopefuls, college cynics, book lovers, and book haters. Many of them have been through more than I have at almost twice their age, so they don’t need to be taught that life is hard. But they are still learning that being an adult is sometimes about putting truth before happiness, and accepting this truth in order to reconcile life’s often painful contradictions. 

I want to guide them to literature that offers a place of reconciliation within the difficulty of living life on life’s terms. We begin by exploring smaller, personal hard times, which prepare us to understand larger, public tragedies, like the Holocaust, 9/11, and now, the Haiti earthquake. 

The language arts classroom has always been a place where students can share their own struggles, but when asked to write about them, they initially respond with a chorus of, “But I don’t know what to write about!” As a model for the personal narrative, we read Sherman Alexie’s “Indian Education,” in which the protagonist Junior suffers through alcoholic parents (“they sat in separate, dark places in our HUD house and wept savagely”), discrimination (“The most valuable lesson about living in the white world: Always throw the first punch”), living on government assistance (“Happy to have food, [we] opened the canned beef that even the dogs wouldn’t eat”), and the legacy of post-colonial reservation life (“Everything looks like a noose if you stare at it long enough”). 

Alexie’s candor inspires the students to examine their own experiences through adversity, and I am often taken aback by their courage and honesty as they describe journeys with alcoholic parents, the uncertainty of living in an unexpectedly single-income household, or violent pasts that led them to the juvenile justice system. 

The writing process helps some students put their pain into words for the first time, and to change its status from liability to asset. In her narrative, Fouzia, a Somali immigrant, describes how she “had never seen blue-eyed and green-eyed people” when she learned that her head scarf would provoke some people to treat her differently. She describes how her third-grade teacher tugged at her clothes and told her, ‘This is not Africa, this is America,’ and concludes that this experience strengthened her faith and made her realize that no one can change her. 

“I have grown stronger,” she writes, “and know that no matter what one’s feelings are I will go to school with my layers and I will graduate and become what I wish to be in the future.” 

In Othello, we continue to explore human character, this time through the lens of the tragic hero. When students balk at the baffling Elizabethan language and question why we read a play over 400 years old, we talk about the still-current issues at hand: gender inequality, racism, the politics of difference. We question how the characters’ personal tragedies are connected to the public sphere of social injustice. 

When asked exactly what makes Iago so evil, students draw insightful revelations on the human will to power and admit to their own infractions that make them identify with Othello’s nemesis. Using a list of social offenses that includes everything from stealing and cursing to killing someone for revenge, students evaluate the characters’ culpability through the play. Iago invariably (and rightfully) gets the most votes, and the class delights in detailing his crimes. 

Yet as students revel in Iago’s often inexplicable malice, they start to consider the characters’ nuances and get closer to their own inner complexity. They don’t approve of the play’s more depraved acts, but they come to understand how such behavior is possible. When Othello explains that he is “one that loved not wisely, but too well,” they empathize with his fall from grace and the consequences of succumbing to irrational emotions. And they often come up with life applications without my prompting, as Matt notes: “I learned that love makes you do crazy things. I would never stay with someone if they cheated, but I would certainly not kill them.” 

In brainstorming for the play adaptation students are asked to create at the end of Othello, Matt compared Othello to Chris Brown and Desdemona to Rihanna, revealing how he applied the original tragedy to make sense of current events in pop culture that were important to him. With this final project, students show an appreciation of Shakespeare’s meditations on human nature. One group details how they made their play relevant to the group’s collective Mexican heritage: “We…show[ed] the class that it doesn’t matter what race you are; Shakespeare is for everyone and we should be open to others and their ways of looking at the world of literature and fine arts…By translating the original script to Spanglish and adding ‘traditional Mexican’ costumes, we attempted to show the adaptability of Shakespeare’s plays to any culture, and time.” 

Lord of the Flies works especially well for teenagers; its characters serve as proxies for the crossing of the threshold from innocence into what Golding terms “the infinite cynicism of adult life.” Ralph and Jack represent human nature itself, embodying the battle of civilized and savage behavior within each of us that is in turn writ large in global conflict. 

As I introduce the novel, students fill out an anticipation guide, then debate about such statements as “It is human nature to be savage” and “If given the chance, people will do the right thing.” To provide a personal gateway to the specific context of the book, an island simulation asks students to examine their attitudes toward self-preservation and the common good while they role-play a group of stranded survivors. Over the course of the novel, we track examples of civilized and savage behavior, and add them to a continuum on one of the classroom walls. 

While Golding’s allegory is ultimately a rather dark treatise on “mankind’s essential illness” (89), many students find it the most valuable of all the course texts. On the summative essay exam for the book, Javier reflects that “the thing that will haunt me for a long time is Lord of the Flies; it cause[d] a very mind-changing affect on me. I[t] taught me civil things are taught and children will turn savage without guidance…The future of the world will soon rest on our shoulders but together we can keep it safe.” Inhyean observes that we can gain “humanity by helping each other out no matter [how] bad the situation you are in…Anyone can lose their humanity and there are things [that] lead people to do cruel things.” 

After these works lead us through the heart of darkness, other questions emerge: How do we incorporate what we have experienced vicariously through these literary worlds to make positive changes? Is there any hope in tragedy? 

Our study of Night serves as a link to the real-world experience of meeting Holocaust survivors at the Oregon Holocaust Memorial. Over the past three years, my students have had the privilege to listen to the stories of Leslie and Eva Aigner, Hungarians Jews who came to the United States in the 1950’s. They tell of their harrowing journeys; Leslie’s especially bearing an uncomfortably close resemblance to Elie Wiesel’s coming-of-age in Auschwitz. They take us through the fear, the loss, and the process of how, as Wiesel describes, they became “damned souls wandering in the half-world, souls condemned to wander through space till the generations of man came to an end, seeking their redemption, seeking oblivion—without hope of finding it” (34). 

Yet through all this atrocity, a clear message emerges. Leslie calls himself “the luckiest man alive” and when looking in the mirror one day, remembers realizing, “There was a reason I had been spared. I had to live life.” He goes on to remind students that out of all the misery, the couple’s legacy is the belief that “we all have to fight for equality and accept each other as human beings.” 

When reflecting on this unit, many students comment on the tragedy of Night and the survivors’ accounts, yet they also talk about finding inspiration in those who have made it through unimaginable hardship. Claudia talks about how she gained knowledge of the Holocaust, and also about “people’s acts and behaviors. I also grew up as a person [after Night] because I feel I value my life more [and] think that my life is precious compare[d] to what other people might be living without the world knowing.” The day after our visit to the memorial, one of Claudia’s reading logs explains why she didn’t read anything that day: “I just thought about our field trip, I cannot imagine what the Aigners went through…What surprised me the most is that the Aigners don’t feel any hatred towards the Nazis. I [will] remember [the] phrase that they say, ‘We are living our lives looking forward and not back.’” 

My students might not imbue literature with the life-giving powers I once celebrated in a diary scribble. But in the end, I want them to experience the symbiotic relationship between life and literature that I found as a lost teenager, to see how literature serves as a bridge to the real world and back again. I want them to see how exploring the shadows inside each of us shows us where hope is possible, as Orion shows in his course reflection: “I gained a better sense of love and forgiveness from the brutality of Night. I gained a sense of… human…characteristics from the savages of Lord of the Flies. I learned to think hard before the next time I want to do an evil deed to someone in the future. That there I got from Othello.” Samantha explains how, even in today’s troubled times, literature taught her not to take her life for granted: “Not everyone in the world was as fortunate as us right now.” 

With these words, my students give me hope even in these times of fear. 


References Alexie, Sherman. “Indian Education.” The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven. New York: Grove Press, 2005. 171-180. 

Golding, William. Lord of the Flies. New York: Perigee Books, 1954. Oregon Holocaust Resource Center. http://www.ohrconline.org/home_-_oregon_holocaust_resour.html. 

Shakespeare, William. The Tragedy of Othello, The Moor of Venice. Washington, D.C.: The Folger Shakespeare Library, 1993. Wiesel, Elie. Night. New York: Bantam Books, 1960.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Get Mortified. Again!


Live April 29 and 30, 2010, at the Mission Theater.  For a DVD of the show, email sclarecarleton@gmail.com.

First, a little background: I grew up in Eugene with my 2 sisters and my mom and dad.  I was always pretty intense and took myself very seriously. When I hit middle school, I went through the typical teenage mood swings, but my struggle with self-esteem and depression got pretty serious so my parents made me start seeing a therapist, which I was not thrilled about.

Then my parents got separated when I was in high school, and I felt the only control I had was with obsessing over food and being skinny.  Being the only parent at home, my mom became the food police and the lucky recipient of all my adolescent rage. [Sorry, Mom!] 

But even in the depths of my despair, I was still able to distract myself with boys and used my journal as my emotional outlet.  And sometimes just writing about my day wasn't enough, so I also expressed my tortured existence through thinly-veiled autobiographical stories and poetry. 

The following are my journal entries from March to September 1994, when I was 15.

March 6, 1994

I hate Mom…The bitch just wants to sit on her ass all day at home sticking her nose in everyone’s business. I can’t wait until I’m on my own and away from her. She’s such a nosy bitch. She wonders why I’m in a bad mood. It’s because of her. Enough about that idiot.  Last night Ani and I went to the basketball game in Salem. It was so much fun. Today I’ll do everything I can to piss Mom off. She deserves it. I kiss her ass all the time and I can’t stand it.  She’s so stupid.

Mom probably reads this too. Go ahead, Mom. You can read my other journal too if you really want.  Why don’t I just lend it to you to use? It’d be much easier.

Dear Diary,

I’ve been feeling so gross. I’ve had this problem with constipation for a few days now.   I’ll try to eat more fruit. That should do something.

We see Dad tomorrow.. Great, another cram-it-all-in-while-I-can session with sappiness and annoying comments on how pretty we are.  I hate it. It just makes everything seem even more pathetic. I want to crawl away and hide.

Dear Diary,

Laughter

Mistaken for

Sorrow

A giggle

Or a sob?

Tears

Of joy

Or pain?

It doesn’t matter

They’re all the same.

Dear Diary,

When someone isn’t happy, I feel responsible. When things aren’t going right, I feel I have to do something about it or I’ll be blamed for others’ unhappiness. Why? I think I’ll do as my therapist said and study the feeling the next time I have it. What’s going to happen with David?? I hope something! Right now I think it’s important we at least strengthen our friendship. He’s funny, nice, good-looking, smart, fun, and a great guy.

Dear Diary,

FEAR

She is the girl you see at school rushing off to class or talking with her friends. She is the one who hides her problems behind a braces smile. She tries breaking free of the bars that cage her in, tried searching for the key to freedom. She runs endlessly from a shadow, but can outrun the mysterious figure no longer. It grabs her shoulders with its cold, clammy fingers and she is forced to face reality. The figure steps into the light, her heart pounds with fear. Its image becomes clear. She looks into its eyes. They are her own.

Dear Diary,

I am so pissed off. Mom is such a pain as usual. She’s always asking what’s wrong and saying, It’s just because I care, in her annoying way. Did she ever just think, maybe I don’t want to talk to her! She never shuts up about my weight either. She can tell me all about what I should be eating while she drinks all the damn diet pop she wants and uses nonfat margarine, the bitch.     

Dear Diary,

I had a good day. I feel really good about myself right now. I love David! I have a strange good feeling this could last for awhile. I don’t know what to do, though. Sometimes I feel shy around him and I don’t know how to act. I am so afraid of rejection and disapproval. That’s why I hold back in relationships and don’t let myself go.

Dear Diary,

WHO AM I?

Never pleased

Always trying

Never happy

Always smiling

Never emotional

Always Crying

Never in love

Always longing

Never myself

Always me.

Dear Diary,

I know Mom and Dad have been reading this and I’m really mad. Can’t anything be private around here? What do they do, search my room when I’m gone?  Well, as soon as I’m out of here I can do whatever I want. Ha ha! I’ll be free!

Dear Diary,

I feel like a dork. Things with David aren’t really going anywhere. It seems we used to laugh and joke a lot more. It just seems it came naturally and more easily before. I think I may be boring him. I feel guys’ll judge me and not like me if I be myself totally and not think about it. God, I’m too serious. That’s one problem. I really ruin a lot of my chances because I’m such a dork. I’m going to do something about that.

I get nervous that I’m too fat for Dave Matthews or Michael Stipe to like me.

Dear Diary,

Things are great! I love HIM so much! I even get this ache in my chest when I think about him and I want to see him. I want to see him and just give him a big kiss! (By the way, Mom and Dad, I hope you’re enjoying this.)

Dear Diary,

My eyes searched his face. Our gazes meet and I find myself staring into deep pools of mystery. I run my hand over his smooth cheek and let his silken hair slip through my fingers. We sit for a moment, his hand clasping mine at his face. In a slow, almost dreamlike movement, he touches his long finger to my lips, lingering there as if to tease. Then I sense his strong arms at my back, pulling my body toward his. I yield to his power, but still feel in control of my actions. His face becomes closer and our lips meet in a climactic unity.

Dear Diary,

I’m sick of going from depression to nervousness and panic. I want love. I want to spend long nights with him, just staring into his eyes and kissing his perfect lips. Yeah how many friggin girls have said this.

Well fuck them all.

I wish the world would go fuck itself then collapse and die.

Dear Diary,

My life is hell. Nothing makes me happy. I hate who I’ve become and I can’t deal with anything. I can only take so much pain. I wish I could leave the world and come back when I’m ready. I hope you’re enjoying this, Mom and Dad. Get out the Prozac, hurry!

Dear Diary,

Control

Slipping through my fingers

Happiness

A faded memory from the past

True joy

A language I once knew

Pain

A constant presence

I cannot feel your hand in mine

I lost the path long ago

Do you know the way

Dear Diary,

Today is the day. I am back on track. I will find myself, because I have lost my way and myself. I want to get the person out, the one who laughs and feels good and likes herself. But it will take a while to rescue her. It is time for it all to end and for it all to begin. Have respect for yourself. Make it your goal to FEEL GOOD. Be proud of your body. Kiss your boyfriend with glee. Because you are really happy and aren’t just putting on an act.

Dear Diary,

I already feel a lot better. Why did I waste all that time being gross and depressed? It’s amazing how I could live in depression for so long. I can’t be afraid to let out my feelings and rip them out into the open. It is healthier to face them and deal with them.

Dear Diary,

I have numbed myself. But it is now time to feel again.

It is time to find the person I once was

To kill the demons inside me

To be a person again

To laugh, smile and sing

And really feel it

Time to know happiness again

September 5, 1994

Today was a turning point in several ways. The last day of summer, the last day of workI’m excited for change and new things. I’ve done a lot this summer and when people ask me what I did, I want to tell them-- I worked my butt off at Taco Bell, watched my skin become uglier as the days went by, went to a yearbook workshop, did 51 ½ hours of community service, learned to eat better, learned more about myself with the help of my therapist, went to the Oregon Country Fair, discovered my hair’s limits when it comes to chemical processes, had several conflicts with my parents and got over a deep depression. It was a memorable summer and all in all, worth it. 

Want to share the shame? Visit getmortified.com for more!

Friday, March 12, 2010

In the Name of Humility, Part II






 

The discovery of another one of my 20-Below columns for the Eugene Register-Guard; circa 1997, age 17.  This one involves TV, Marilyn Manson, and various other fuel for my teenage ranting.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1310&dat=19980216&id=cnUVAAAAIBAJ&sjid=gusDAAAAIBAJ&pg=6440,4278468

Sunday, January 10, 2010

When You’re a Teacher


You think you’re going to reminisce about how you imparted all this great knowledge of Homeric similes, couplets, prepositions, rising action and political satire, but here’s what you actually end up remembering:

1. When April writes you her concerns: “Hi, sorry I’ve been skipping your class so much, but I can’t do all the side work that we’ve been doing, and I can’t deal with all the morons in the class.”
2. When Alex leaves a note on your desk: “In your face, ha ha I got my reading log done BEFORE you went on that field trip. HA!”
3. When you find a note someone passed in class that says: “I always thought Ms. Carleton was a guy cause of her voice!”
4. When you find another note someone passed in class that says: “Look at wat Ms. Carleton is wearing,” and you really wish you could remember what you were in fact wearing that day.
5. When a student turns in a final with the response:
Q: What 2 things can we learn from Romeo and Juliet?
A: 1. Love can come and go as it pleases.
2. Love can do weird things to the body.

6. When a student tells it like it is in his class notes:
The stages of life:
1) child/toddler
2) 5 to 9
3) 10/13
4) 14/18
5) 18/25
6) 25/32
7) 32 to your last days

7. When the classroom comment box tells you what they really think:

1. Less grammar notes
2. Less grammar notes because the first 45 min of this class make me HATE school
3. Your Hott
4. This is Ian and your cute

8. When you realize that today during second period Senior English you had armpit sweat visible on your t-shirt.

9. When you are asked to be the advisor of the Role-playing Game club, a surprise, as you have zero knowledge of role-playing. But you soon find the eavesdropping during club meetings is worth it:

Q: “Can I be chaotic evil?”
A: “No.”

“You don’t see anything but rats gnawing on corpses.”
“Yay for corpses!”

“I have a question: Can I fall out of a tree and land on a weasel?”

“I’m speaking Druidian.”
“Well, he doesn’t understand you.”

“I’m not going to play Magic either—it’s not my thing—too much pansy.”

“The funniest thing is when I took a badger out and it gnawed Jeff’s character’s face off.”

“What’s wrong with you? First you thought placenta was a food and now you don’t even know what 4:20 is.”

I recently submitted this to a zine to be published by the Independent Publishing Resource Center (IPRC), a great place for writers, teachers, and creators in Portland.

I Love Being Name-Checked


Review from the Willamette Week:

VoiceCatcher

When casting a wide net for women writers, this anthology catches a few great finds and dead fish.


BY PAIGE RICHMOND 503-243-2122

[November 21st, 2007]

Let’s be clear about one thing: VoiceCatcher (Lulu Press, $17.25, 244 pages) deserves to be read. This anthology is a labor of love—the 10-woman editorial board sifted through 300 submissions from Portland’s female writers before settling on 60 or so poems, stories and essays. Since publishing the first anthology last year, VoiceCatcher has created a supportive community for female writers. In addition to holding the Portland Women Writer’s workshops, the organization funds two annual scholarships at Write Around Portland, a nonprofit that provides writing workshops for recovering addicts, abused spouses and other disadvantaged Portlanders.

No doubt about it, VoiceCatcher is doing good work by encouraging women to write openly about themselves. That being said, the actual artistic work these writers are producing is, well, not that great. Some stories and poems in VoiceCatcher have their moments, but the complete collection is inconsistent, ranging from overly sentimental short stories about Athena-like mothers (“One Goddess”) to utterly compelling poems about a child’s tragic death (“Interment”).

Take the anthology’s two introductions, each written by a member of VoiceCatcher ’s editorial collective, as an example. “The Origins of VoiceCatcher. ” by Diane English, comes first, and is about the Mother Earth-loving, touchy-feely part of womanhood that makes men cringe. In one particularly mystical sentence, English writes, “Meditating one day to music with a steady drumbeat and the repetitive phrase, she who hears the cries of the world, voicecatcher enters my view and refuses to leave.” But the other introduction, written by Jennifer Lalime, is smart and simple: She quotes Victorian novelist and proto-feminist George Eliot while discussing the challenges and satisfaction of publishing a female-only anthology.

But it’s writers like Stacy Carleton who make VoiceCatcher worth reading. Her essay “Txt mg+tech+BF=OMG modrn luv” humorously documents how technology changes modern relationships. When Carleton divulges that her boyfriend first professed his love via text message and then admits “there was something about that [she] just couldn’t take seriously,” it feels honest. The best stories and poems in VoiceCatcher don’t use flowery language and loom-weaving main characters to embrace femininity; instead, they simply tell a story from a woman’s perspective.

Anything written by a woman, in some way, is about womanhood. Even though Eliot (real name: Mary Ann Evans) chose a male pseudonym to publish Middlemarch a century ago, the book became popular because it realistically—and in plain language—addressed the position of women in Victorian society. Thankfully, women no longer need fake names to get their writing published, but sticking to “I am woman, hear me roar” poetry and Earth-mama fiction isn’t getting women anywhere. VoiceCatcher would do much better to step away from the loom and embrace a simpler, more modern, idea of womanhood.

READ: Editor Sara Guest and contributors Paulann Peterson, Amy Minato, Sage Cohen, Kristin Berger, Jo Barney, Amanda Sledz and Cynthia Richardson read from VoiceCatcher at Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm Tuesday, Nov. 27. Free.

My Evening with Ira Glass (And a Few Other People)

An Evening with Ira Glass and the Ministry of Love: October 7, 2007


3:43 PM October 9th, 2007 by Jim Sandberg

This American Life

This review of Ira Glass' Portland appearance on Sunday was offered up by Stacy Carleton, a local high school teacher and WW reader. (Psst: We’re really happy she used the term “chatterati.”)

Sunday, Oct. 7, 2007

“I wanted to go all Christopher Hitchens on this event,” Ira Glass proclaims to the overwhelmingly bespectacled, fleece-and-cable-knit-clad crowd that has gathered at the Convention Center on a rainy Sunday night. NPR-nerd-friendly, cheekily subversive humor catering to the predictably white, middle class audience further ensues (Emcee: “Now that Ira is not presenting at a church [as originally scheduled], tonight will not be all about atheism and gay sex”), along with OPB inside jokes (Ira to local host April Baer: “There’s something poetic about what you say every day: ‘It’s stop and go from the tunnel to the Banfield.’ It’s like the story of our lives. Oh, and then sometimes there’s some business with ‘the curves.’” Here I let out a whoop of appreciation, quickly realize that I’m getting a little too raucous for the backdrop of polite applause, and shut up).

For someone who, in his words, “talk[s] really quickly and [doesn’t] enunciate, and really has no particular talent for anything having to do with radio,” the This American Life host has been getting something right during his career that spans almost 30 years. TAL is currently the most popular podcast in the country, and if NPR chatterati has a reigning celebrity, it is undoubtedly Glass.

TAL’s success hinges on its unparalleled approach to the human story. With the over-saturation of irony seemingly poisoning every media well these days, TAL maintains a childlike curiosity and endangered sincerity as, week after week, it seeks to uncover profundities in the mundane. Its philosophy dictates that there is always something still worth investigating, whether it be the secret inner life of a tyrant (Glass explains Saddam Hussein’s penchant for penning trashy novels) or the fact that after thousands of years, scientists still do not understand why leaves on trees turn red (Glass: “It’s one of those things that makes you realize, ‘If we don’t know that, what do we know?’”)

This particular sensibility has prompted naysayers such as the Atlantic Monthly’s Michael Hirschorn to relegate Glass and TAL to a “quirk culture” populated by the likes of Wes Anderson, Miranda July and Napoleon Dynamite. (Hirschorn’s entire treatise is available here.) When questioned about this categorization by an audience member, Glass replies, “I hate things that are quirky. That’s taking the show to be the opposite of what it is. Ours is a Ministry of Love.”

Glass in person is reassuringly consistent with his radio persona. Like the words he uses to describe the stories on TAL, he is truly “human-sized,” and proves he deserves every ounce of his indie cred as my friend and I wait in line for 45 minutes to meet him. To pass the time, we debate an accurate description of Glass’ voice (Rule One: “hipster” is not allowed) and compromise with “East-Village-queen-meets-intellectual-but-unpretentious-Jew-meets-Valley-Girl.” As we finally get close to the front, I understand why the line has moved so slowly: Glass has genuinely talked to each and every person offering up books to sign and cameras to pose for. I’m glad he’s gone all “Ministry of Love” on this event.

[Post-script bragging rights]: Glass has been gathering contact information for an upcoming segment he is working on, and my friend and I fit the bill for the kind of stories he is scouting. After introductions, he asks for our phone numbers. But my brain is too flooded with celebrity-encounter-induced dopamine that I go all deer-in-the-headlights and forget to write it down. I do remember to include my email and an “I love the O.C. too!!” shout-out. Afterward, I’m just an insecure schoolgirl in the throes of post- “Do you like me? Check yes or no” note-passing anxiety, hoping I might somehow fit into the grand, yet human-sized, narrative.

 

http://blogs.wweek.com/news/2007/10/09/an-evening-with-ira-glass-and-the-ministry-of-love-october-7-2007/

In the Name of Humility

A few months ago, a friend googled me and came upon some of my earliest published work.


You can find one of my columns for the 20Below section (created by local teenagers) of the Eugene Register-Guard here. A few dislcaimers: it's a Valentine's Day article dedicated to the subject of stalking (as in me obsessing over unattainable boys, not the adult restraining order kind), it's from 1997 and thus scanned on the page (how archaically quaint!), I was 17 when I wrote it, and it prompted my first grumbling feedback from the public which made me both mortified and proud: several letters from readers who were disturbed and offended by my facetious use of the word "stalking." Those were the days.